3 High Costs of Keeping the F Up

I found myself in a Sephora today, alone.

My professor cancelled class literally as I was on my way (smh), so naturally, I ended up in the nearest Sephora.... As I'm walking up the entrance, I realized something wild: this Sephora is right next to the building of the company i’m interviewing with tomorrow.

I’ve never been to this location in my life, yet here I was, standing in front of my possible future while holding a basket full of sh*t I probably (definitely) don't need.

It was one of those weirdly perfect synchronicities that made me take a beat and think. So many of us spend so much time curating this version of ourselves that looks "acceptable" to the eyes of others.

In my case, interviews but for so many other reasons like social media, parental expectations, friendship circles, and even with our lovers. We buy into a mask of sorts to feel in control and to fit in, while the reality of our lives is usually much more expensive and a lot more complicated.

Many of us act like we have it figured out because we’re too chic to admit we’re struggling. Let's speak plainly.

Here are 3 things I think some of us are too chic to admit out loud and what they’re actually costing us.

1. Savings Account Subsidy

There is a very specific, quiet panic in transferring $25 from a lower than expected savings account to avoid a possible declined card checking out at the bar. Which then turns into one more hour, than one more lunch, and then you end up at Sephora, like me, purchasing an ecosystem of full sized Dermologica products (IYKYK).

My point is, we aren't paying for the products; we're paying for the five minutes of a serotonin boost. There are some of us that might be one $20 pornstar martini away from an overdraft fee, but god forbid we let the table know.

2. The Luxury of the Breakdown

People talk about "self-care" as if it’s a bath bomb or a silk robe, but real healing often resembles a demolition project. It’s the terrifyingly unglamorous, jagged moments where the "chic" persona slips.

It’s an ugly-cry in a cold work bathroom stall during lunch, or inhaling a bag of Cheetos while sipping a Pinot Grigio in bed at 2 AM because it’s the only thing that feels like a hug. It’s messy, it’s expensive, and it’s a lot more work than just putting on a face.

3. The Sunk Cost of People

I've noticed the tendency that some people treat connections like they are lifetime investments, but sometimes the terms we've grown fond of them for just stop making sense. One day you wake up and realize you have been maintaining a friendship or a relationship purely out of habit rather than actual hunger.

It is that heavy, awkward silence over a dinner where you realize you are both just performing the roles of "best friend" or "soulmate" because the alternative is admitting you have grown in opposite directions. It isn't always a dramatic blowout.

Sometimes it is just the quiet, expensive realization that you are paying for a seat at a table where you are no longer being fed. Evolving is lonely, but staying for the sake of the aesthetic is a debt that inevitably bankrupts your soul.

Well, the Pinot is gone, the Cheeto dust is wiped away, and tomorrow I have to go back to pretending I have it all figured out for this interview. But for tonight, the ledger is balanced. We’re all just trying to keep the f*ck up, but at least now, we’re doing it with our eyes open.

Stay Intimate,

-L ;)